CHILDREN'S PROGRAMS

The death of a family member or friend is a time of crisis for children and their families. If handled with love and support, it can become a time of growth as well.

The Good Grief Center of North Central Washington recognizes that following the death of a family member, a parent may be unable to comfort a child because of his or her own grief.

The Good Grief Center provides loving support in a safe, caring place for children, youth, and adults. All participate in peer support groups based on their ages. Trained volunteers assist the groups, which meet twice a month on the 2^nd and 4^th Tuesday at 6:30 p.m. Please note that counseling and therapy are not a part of the Good Grief Center program.

How Do I Know When My Child Is Grieving?

"When a child experiences the loss of a loved one, person of importance or thing."

Just like for adults, grief is a normal response when someone we know, love or care about dies or there is other significant loss. Death may be a brand new and bewildering experience for a child. Adults often wrongfully assume that a child has not been impacted because they are not demonstrating adult type "expected" behaviors. Many adult responses to loss are learned behaviors.

While the experience of grief is normal and common, the manner in which each of us experiences it is different.

Children often withhold expressions of grief feelings for a number of reasons. They may not have the verbal skills to articulate the strange and different feelings they are experiencing, they may feel some level of self-blame for the death that has occurred but quite often, children will withhold their feeling in deference to other family members whom they see also experiencing sadness and other feelings so as not to add to the burden of that loved one.

Watch for These Signs

Inner feelings of grief are most often manifested in behavioral changes in children depending on what stage of emotional development they experiencing. You may see your child exhibit some or all of the emotions or behaviors listed below:

• Shock
• Listless
• Behavioral regression
• Difficulty sleeping
• Dependent/clinging
• Anger
• Stomach aches
• Needing help with simple tasks
• Guilt
• Emotionally numb
• Acting out at school
• Fear
• Restless
• Aggression
• Wanting to sleep with parents
• Headaches
• Anxiety/panic
• Unorganized
• Loss of appetite
• Unexplained physical ailments
• Always tired
• Not wanting to go to school
• Blaming behavior
• Depression
• Sadness or loneliness
• Confusion
• Being "perfect" in school or at home

Other Losses

Children may have a more profound reaction to losses that are easy for adults and parents to overlook or dismiss. A child may have significant grief associated with the loss of a pet, a friend moving away, the family relocating to another home or city, reactions to local or national tragedy such as the World Trade Center attacks. Divorce or separation can also trigger deep feelings of grief for a child. Children can also become attached to physical objects or belongings and experience grief when they become lost they end up in the garage sale. We must remain sensitive and alert to spot children's grief issues which can be subtle or attributed to other causes.

Don't Try to "Fix" Your Child

Again, grief is a normal process and can lead to emotional development and maturity when the child is given the right supportive, caring and understanding environment. Unresolved grief can lead to other problems for the child and may extend into adulthood. For more information on how to empower children to experience healthy grief contact or visit the Good Grief Center. The Center also has an extensive library focused on children's grief issues.

Contributed by Jim Huffman,
Board Member, Good Grief Center
Board Member, Friends and Families of the Victims of Violent Crime